i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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