imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
