She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
