my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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