Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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