the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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