You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
