who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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