If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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