3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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