I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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