Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
