i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
