No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
