so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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