my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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