Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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