The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
