turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
