So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
