I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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