From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
