We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
