After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
