I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
