I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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