first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
