need another drink. this is the easiest way
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
