I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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