Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home

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(860): View more from Connecticut

just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

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(631): View more from New York

He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...

Fav 12 2009 6359
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(239): View more from Florida

I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.

Fav 7 2006 1010
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(334): View more from Alabama

Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.

Fav 8 1981 1001
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(917): View more from New York City

Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached

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