and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
