I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Bring me that man meat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
