You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
