yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
