You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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