Porn is love you can see.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
