i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
