By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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