My room smells like vodka and shame
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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