My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
