Ambien. No doubt about it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
