...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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