i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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