I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
wow bdsm is so cute
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