She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There r osticjed everywhere
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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