if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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