I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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