dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
