I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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