found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
