Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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