every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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