i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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