the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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