Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
