i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
