Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just invented taco cereal.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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