i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
