I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
