i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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