I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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