why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
