my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
