Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
