you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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