dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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