I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
