i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
