So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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